I knew dire things were to come when the bottom fell out of the cup holding most of a hot chocolate that I was carrying on the train this morning.

Came to logger-heads at work in a meeting where, for a change that suprised most people in the room, I cracked the shits and let feelings be known. I, Miss Never Say Anything In Meetings, had the goddamned floor for almost an hour. With all three of the bosses.

A colleague I’m particularly friendly with (she’s a travel buddy and lives locally), was just as ropable. One of our ideas to streamline a certain process was applauded, then handed off to someone else to write up an appropriate policy. When I saw the draft of the policy last week, it made sense and it was pretty much in line with what we’d initially written. Only what we got back on Thursday resembled nothing like what we’d spent an evening to write and put forward. Hasty, angry emails were sent, meetings were called today and it turned into the “Angry Ren and Andy Show”.

Ok, maybe not “Angry”, more like “Not So Quietly Seething”.

I will never, ever be management material. I have a very old work ethic. I don’t believe in this “gently gently” newage BULLSHIT approach. My line of management would be “I don’t give a fuck what you want to do, this way is better. Do it or fuck off”. I wouldn’t be a popular manager but seriously, where I work at the moment and particularly in my department, everyone is doing their own thing and it’s causing havoc which is leading to convoluted and long-winded workarounds being put in place that just boggle the mind.

I’d love to go into detail but I am just too steamed. Andy and I simply talked ourselves in circles with management who just were not getting it. So our lovely, simple idea has been turned into a half-dozen-excel-spreadsheet-hard-copy-paper-trail NIGHTMARE simply because one department won’t use the document management software that was installed for this very type of workflow to begin with, and another department (mine) refuses to follow a basic procedure policy and instead decides to get all creative and do their own thing. EIGHTEEN PEOPLE DOING THEIR OWN THING WITHOUT ANY REGARD TO POLICY THAT COULD SAVE US A SHITLOAD OF HASSLE….

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

And then my cat pissed on the loungeroom floor and the manbeast is playing Guitar Hero at full volume and that’s pretty much it for me for the day.

You STILL can’t pick your family. I wish that was something that I could fix sometimes.

Just one day, one day in my ENTIRE LIFE, I would really like everything to be about me. I’m not asking for much. Just one single, solitary day where I want things to go my way and for people to do what I want. I don’t even ask that much on my birthdays or engagement anniversaries (all fucking THREE of those).

The one day I want to be perfect is November 29 this year. My wedding day. I’m not a bridezilla or an attention whore but there’s just one day I would like to go well where I can relax and just enjoy it.

My sister is determined to stamp her attitude all over it and fuck it over for me in a way only she can.

If dad doesn’t walk down me down the aisle, she’s not coming. If she can’t wear what she wants to wear (jeans), she’s not coming. If I don’t invite one of HER friends, she’s not coming.

I would love to say “Guess what, bitch? Our father is NOT walking me anywhere, you are NOT allowed to wear jeans and I am NOT inviting one of YOUR friends to MY $9000 reception, and if you don’t like it then you are quite welcome to stay the fuck away!” That would my ultimate answer. I can say that she doesn’t have to come if what I want bugs her so much but the fact still remains that if she doesn’t turn up it will hurt me possibly more than anything has hurt me since my father sent flowers and a pathetic excuse in a card to my engagement party here in Melbourne seven years ago and the day, while I’m sure just about everything else will go mostly to plan, will be shadowed by the fact that she isn’t there with me.

I’m tired of making excuses and exceptions for her behaviour and there’s just one day that I’d love NOT to have to do that but I know if I don’t I’ll still be fucked over a barrel.

Life ain’t ever easy being Ren.

I was reading Daniel’s blog the other day about World Environment Day. To be honest, like Breast Cancer Day, Red Nose Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day*, and a myriad of other “days”, it passed me by without a second thought. Though the tips in Daniel’s blog made me laugh and groan a bit.

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