• Tim Campbell on Celebrity Singing Bee… Needs to take less speed. Suggest marijuana. Man bounces around like … a very bouncy thing. On speed.
• People who get pissed off that they’ve just missed the train. Hey, even on the odd chance that the trains do run on time (it is Connex, after all), you should generally get there for the time that they’re listed as departing. Please note, they DEPART at the listed time, not arrive. Or at least that’s the theory. (Like I said, Connex - ‘Nuff said.)
• Dermot Brereton’s face. What is UP with that face? Well, his eyebrows are up, specifically. His face slants alarmingly upwards at the temples and his eyebrows have been shaped to within an inch of their lives. He’s gone from burly, boofheaded and not terribly smart footballer, to girly-man on Getaway. THE FUCK?
• My mouth hurts. Hurts hurts hurts. I have a wisdom tooth that’s rotting slowly and painfully and a very sensitive teeth that were actually filled a while ago - but obviously badly because they’ve been ultra sensitive since being filled. Have no sick leave with which to take myself off to hospital to get annoying wisdom teeth whipped out until late September… and do not want to risk mouth infections and problems THAT close to wedding day. No!
• I have a new wart. On the back of my hand. The fuck?! Nooooo! For those of you who may not know, my hands used to look like I had some sort of wood-rot. My fingers looked yucky. Going to have to attack myself with the special “paint” and a scalpel.
• Four months ’til the wedding! (No, I’m not counting down…120 days, 14 hours, 45 minutes…)

I don’t usually look at my spam messages very often other than to figure out which ones to delete. However, one did catch my eye…

“Gain your massive man tool today!”

My immediate thought was that I already have a man tool. His name is Manbeast.