Textural Diversion I
Is anyone still reading this thing? Hello?
Bueller?
It’s been a long time since I’ve used this blog to rant about the world. I sort of miss it. It happens during the day, still. I’ll be sitting somewhere away from my computer and say “God, that annoys me, I want to write about how I’m feeling” but by the time I get home, the feeling’s gone and the impetus to write about it – or anything else for that matter – is also long gone. Blogging was such a cathartic activity for me. Cathartic in the way that buying thousands of dollars worth of beading supplies (of which only a fraction has been used). Cathartic in the way that buying a $1800 lens felt.
Guilty pleasure. Addictive.
It’s also a little weird that this blog is now not quite as anonymous. Hell, I’ve linked it to Facebook often enough.
(Side note, my mother would be horrified to know that I have been airing my dirty laundry for over ten years.)
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(She abhors the idea of blogs and people talking about personal stuff so that anyone can read it.)
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(She can barely stand Facebook.)
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(She does have a Facebook account, however. )
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(Hi Mum!)
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Anyway…
How do I feel at the moment?
Put upon. Which is laughable because I am probably the least put-upon person in the world. I have a few commitments but apart from that life for me is easy sailing.
What have I got going in my life?
My job has changed. Well, not my job, just my role. I was appointed the team senior for reasons I will not understand though from a personal standpoint I pushed for it because it will looking fucking good on my resume once I’m done working where I am – whenever that will be.
Oh, I just swore. I just swore in my blog…
I’M HOME! Did you miss me?
Anyway, the upgraded job happened about three weeks ago and the day after I promptly fell ill with some malaise (possibly Dengue Fever, Ebola or the Black Death – though I’m missing the fever, bleeding eyeballs and required pustules) that’s seen me off work and using up all my accrued annual leave and tipped into unpaid leave. Sucks to be me. It’s still not completely gone, either.
I have also been attending a graphics design school, doing a course which will see be graduate as a bona fide Dip (and not just a regular dip) which, while I thought it would be a great thing for me, it… isn’t.
Apart from the recent spate of hassles that I’ve had with the institution at which I am studying, I’ve decided I don’t want to be a graphic designer. Frankly, I don’t want a job doing something I love to do. When it becomes a job – when it becomes a chore - I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to lose the love of what I do.
How’s that for a conundrum? Or is it a catch 22? Or a contradiction? Or just Ren being STUPID as per usual?
I am approaching my photography business in the same way though. I want it to support itself. I know full well that I will lose money initially but hopefully, if I stick with it, I will make money to at least cover my costs. I am happy with that much. I can indulge in my love of photography and Photoshop… unless I am so outrageously good at what I am planning to do that people will traverse oceans to be photographed by me and I am making squillions, then it might be a different story. I do stand by my philosophy on the matter of “doing what you love” – when it becomes a chore, I no longer love it and I am not going to ruin something that I love by forcing myself to do it when I don’t want to.
So, I guess that means I will be forever stuck in jobs I don’t really like.
My husband won’t be pleased. He bears the brunt of my vicious mood swings and voracious unhappiness about my current state of employment.
Something I am enjoying is sharing what I do for fun on this blog. I love creating pictures. I love the process. I think I’d be happy working for a magazine putting this stuff together. I have been told I have a flare for writing (I hope they weren’t lying) and that I am, at least in text, entertaining. So I’ll continue to post pictures and how-to’s – the latter when I have the time to break down what I do… do. If anyone finds them useful, please leave me a comment. I love feedback – even the bad sort.
Oh yeah, and I also want a puppy.
This doesn’t please the husband either.
I’m still reading. You still show up in my RSS feeder on the occasions that you post!
Doing what you enjoy is important. Don’t ever give it up.
Hey gorgeous,
I come here every weekday, because I’m too lazy to figure out the RSS thinggy.
Please write as often as you want, becaue we love to read it.
Well done on the promotion!
And I can relate to the notion of the hobby you love becoming a chore once there’s an income tied to it. Don’t feel bad, the education is worth it, even if you don’t turn it into a a career.
xoxoxxoxoxxo Jan
darnit, I can’t even spell because!
TOTALLY get what you mean Ren.
I recently went back to a 9-5 job purely to get away from doing what I love as a full time job.
The passion was eroding fast and I didn’t want that to ruin the reputation I was starting to develop because I am very lucky to be (as you put it) traversing oceans to do what I love.
The downside is that I come home from work, say hi to Tam and then start my photography work, often eating dinner as I edit before collapsing into bed, only to start it all again the following day.
Go with your gut, it’s always a great measure.
Hey Ren,
I still read this blog.
This post just reminded me I haven’t posted in a month or two. Damn uni keeping me busy.
Oh and that is why I am not doing art at uni. I don’t think I could stand to look at a paintbrush if art was my day job. Writing is getting a bit that way at the moment. *shakes fist at creative writing lecturers*
I am sure though that you will figure it all out.
xoxo
Cass
xoxo
Cass
Am still here, I like to see what youre up to. Dennis is still Dennis!! but bigger lol
I play more in Facebook now though!!
I’m still arount too my sweet! This little Okie isn’t going anywhere! I just don’t check as often as I should, *bad friend!* But I do read and check in and think about you all the time gorgeous!