Renlish

Wow… looks like I’m losing interest in the blogging thing again which is a pity because I actually like writing. It’s a good outlet. I guess I’m spending a lot of time on Facebook these days. Please note, I am NOT a Twitterer. That site just annoys the crap out of me.

But yes, I am very active on Facebook, usually for a couple hours a night. You can find me here - though if you add me you’ll have to tell me who you are because I don’t do randoms. That freaks me out. It’s one of the reasons why I hate Twitter, all these random people following me all of a sudden. Ew.

Anyway, back to this site. I fully intend to make it into more of a graphics related site. I am buying some new camera gear (that being a Nikon D90, a beautiful 85mm/1.8 lens and a wide-angle lens of some description - haven’t decided yet) and since I shall have this spic new equipment, I will have to post up the results of playing with such a camera. That of course will mean that I will have to use my time more wisely to take images on a regular basis.

Somehow I will have to fit this in between work and homework for school… speaking of which I have to post some homework up on the blog. I just have to scan my stuff first. Unfortunately my scanner is slightly old and doesn’t like the fact that I’m running a freaky version of XP (64 bit - or something). I’m actually pretty proud of some of the drawings I did for my very first assignment.

At the moment, we’ve gone from basic illustration to colour analysis and now we’ve hit typography and I get to do cool stuff like make my own monogram.

Not exciting to many but to me, it’s bloody cool.

On the computer side of things, the class has fallen a little behind as one of the tutors is a moron and totally snafued the dates things were due by. But we’ve covered Illustrator so I now know how to use that (mostly) and we’re moving onto InDesign which looks bloody cool.

Anyway, from the title I think you’ve guessed that we’re in the midst of packing and by “we” I mean “the manbeast” who has done everything bar one and a half boxes. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I’ve been lethargic and sad and angry and depressed and have been ignoring everything I should be doing - including house and homework. It’s not good.

But anyway, I had mentioned today in a little email convo with Rae that I was going to do a live tour of the house and put up the video but I forgot that the intarwebs is being shut off on Friday-ish and may not be on for a week or so. So there might be a slight delay in letting you good folks see the kewlness that is my new forever-home. With the dishwasher. And the spa. And the ensuite with the little, baby windows in the water closet that have their own little sets of venetian blinds - I shit you not.

Did I mention that settlement for the new place is on Wednesday? I just spent the last weekend in this house. I’m almost going to miss it.

Except, I won’t.

Byebye crappy, yappy dog nextdoor! Farewell old gas wall-heater! Sayonara doors that don’t shut! Aufedersein horrible dust-mite-breeding carpet! Seeya neighbours who communicate via car horn!

Whoot.

I sent this little quip to my mother the other day:

Ascot Vale Deli has a new coffee on its menu.
The Des Moran Espresso
It has three shots, only costs tuppence and it blows your head off!!!

For those of you not in Australia, we have our own mafia fun in our own backyard. Des Moran was the latest in a long-running spate of execution-style murders. That makes four Moran men dead. Funnily enough, his sister in-law, Judy, has been charged and refused bail for the killing (though she wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger).

It’s even got it’s own Wikipedia page… Hell, it even prompted a television series, Underbelly, to be created - and we had to sit through a whole season watching Matthew Newton and his freaky hairy chest and bad NZ accent shag everything. Ugh.

It’s actually all rather entertaining stuff. Even more so since I can post a personal connection with many of the families involved. I went to school with the brothers, sisters and cousins of the major names that have popped up over the years. Kinda pleased that I grew up on the right side of the tracks. Or the river (Maribyrnong) as the case may be.

Anyway… the joke prompted the following conversation with my mother:

Mum: Do you have any idea how much “tuppence” is???

Me: Two pennies… ? How much did the bird lady in Mary Poppins sell the food for? Tuppence? There you go, tuppence will get you a bag of food for pigeons. In London. About a hundred years ago.

Mum: Which means that the coffee shop will be ripping people off as they can only charge 5c as we don’t have 2c coins any more!

Okay, maybe you had to be there but it made me laugh.

Imagine, if you will, a very tired Ren walking back to the car after a night out with a whole bunch of other friends and she sees two guys wandering, presumably to their car also. It wasn’t that they were so obviously randy for each other - I don’t mind me a little man on man action - but it was the clothes and the mannerisms and the sheer creepiness of it. I witnessed a living, breathing stereotype that could have been plucked from any movie or television show that dares to play with the subject of sexuality.

One of the guys was a classy-looking older bloke. Caucasian. Well kept. Grey haired. Navy suit-jacketed. Polished. Nice. He had money to burn, you could tell. Probably lives in a mansion on Orrong Road.

The other guy… he was what threw me (apart from the expression on Guy #1’s face which I’ll get to in a bit). Asian. Young. Like, 12 years old young. Tight, tight, I-can-see-your-religion skinny jeans in dark purple. Bright yellow sneakers. A faux fur coat in bright green. The androgynous feminine-masculine look about him. And of course the crazy, spikey Anime hair.

He looked like he’d indecently assaulted a colour wheel.

Apart from the crazy “I want everyone to notice me about to be so fucked by this guy” get-up of the second fella, the older guy was totally looking at this kid like, “Precious, you are so about to be fucked.” Lewd. Leery. Uncomfortable-making for those unfortunate enough to be watching.

This is why I do not go out very often to places like Crown Casino - or the city in general unless it’s to briefly visit a theatre, a Chinese restaurant or to go to work. I see stereotypes step out of fantasy land and watch them walk past me.

Be gay. Be gloriously fabulous. I really don’t care and I would be the last person to judge in that respect, having had a share of girl flesh in my cheerfully sordid past.

Just please, please don’t live the creepy stereotypes.

I don’t know what made me think of her just now, perhaps it’s because I started watching this k.d. lang video.

She loved k.d. It always amused me that this very proper woman adored someone so different (to her).

So… for you Mima, I post this. I honestly wish things had been different.

And then, as if someone’s been watching where my thoughts have been going, I get a little comment on my blog…

Well done, K!

Get yourself a dish… it needs to be like a dish you’d cook lasagna in. Fairly high sides (at least three inches). Then…

Put the dish to one side.

Grab a sack of washed, baby potatoes and your sharpest, meanest looking meat cleaver.

Yes, the cleaver is overkill but the heaviness and loud snap of the blade against the chopping board is therapeutic.

Start chopping your baby potatoes into slices about 4-5mm thick - keep the width as consistent as possible as it helps them cook better. Try not to slice the tips of your fingers.

As you finish chopping each spud, pick up the pile and line them up in rows in the dish you didn’t prepare earlier. Do this until dish is full of chopped baby potatoes.

Get some milk. This can be any milk you like. Full cream, double cream, no cream, Hi-Lo if you’re in Perth… Just don’t use skim milk. It offends me.

Pour the milk over your lovely lines of spuddly goodness. Make it about a 1cm deep (at least). Of course, the volume of your dish and the number of spudletts you’ve chopped. I use a square dish that’s about 25cmx25cm in size. That’s four good rows of baby spuds and about 1cm deep of milk works for me. The potatoes soak it all up.

Next, get some tasty, flavoursome cheese. Nice stuff with a little bite. It always goes well with spuds. Grate the cheese over the your spuds and milk, covering as liberally or lightly as you please.

You don’t need butter for this at all, however you can add a splash (just a little) of chicken stock to the milk just to put a little salt into the potatoes. I don’t bother with this.

Now, if you have an oven that works, make sure it’s preheated…

Oops. Maybe I should have said that bit first?

Anyway, in your preheated oven, place the dish which should be covered with foil, onto a middle rack. Close oven door and set timer for… err… start off with ten minutes. Put your heat up to somewhere between 180-200C (do your own conversions, I’m lazy) depending on if you’re a fan-forced whore or not.

After 10 minutes, check your spuds. If they’re still rock hard, come back in another ten minutes, otherwise, rip off the foil and continue to cook for as long as it takes for the spuds to go lightly brown on top and soft and squishy (because of the milk) below. Cheese should be nice and crusty.

Take the dish out of the oven, using oven mits because this shit is hot, and serve with whatever else you’ve cooked. Or you can be a pig like me and just grab a fork and start eating right out of the dish.

If you’re like me and don’t have a properly working oven, you can do this in a microwave. Just make sure your dish is microwave safe before you start because it’s a pain in the arse to have to empty everything into another dish. Messy.

Anyway, cover the dish with a couple layers of cling wrap, then bung in the nuker for 10 minutes on Med High (standard powerful microwave). Once 10 minutes is up, remove the foil and cook for another 10 minutes. Remember, this works for a dish that’s 25×25cm. Remove from microwave, almost burning yourself in the process because you forgot your oven mits. Grab fork, start scoffing.

Of course, you can add extra cheese. Melty cheese on lovely soft potato scallops is noice.

Choice, bro. Even.

The best one of these I’ve seen yet.

Office of the Senate House Federal Republic of Nigeria Committee on Foreign Payment.
(Resolution panel on contract payment)
IKOYI - Lagos Nigeria
Email: federalministryoffinance.tony@gmail.com
Our Ref: FGN/SNT/STB
3rd June 2009

ATTN: Beneficiary,

WE, the entire members of the Federal House of Senate, on behalf of the Federal Republic of Nigerian Government, Under the auspices of the civilian Head of State, President Umaru Musa Yar’adua and the Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria, Prof Charles Soludo held a meeting last week concerning payment, both foreign and local contractors and some inheritance funds.

On going through files yesterday, we discovered that your file was dumped untreated, so at this juncture, we apologize for the delay of your payment and please stop communicating with any office now and attention to the appointed office below for you to receive your payment accordingly.

Now your new Payment Ref: number is -35460021, Allocation number is 674632, Password number is 339331, Pin Code number is 55674 and your Certificate of Merit Payment number is 103, Released Code number is 0763, Immediate Telex confirmation number is -1114433, Secret Code number XXTN013. Having received these vital payment numbers, therefore you are qualified now to received and confirm your payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria. Now you are directed to contact the office or the paymaster general Federal Republic or Nigeria Sir Tony Ezeh Jr immediately for your immediate transfer of your fund and also fax or attach your banking details as stated bellow to him.

Your Bank Name, Bank Address, You Bank Account number, Your Account Name, Your Bank Routing number, Your direct phone and fax number, Your age and occupation.
This is to avoid mistake while transferring your overdue payment to you.

Contact: Sir Tony Ezeh Jr Email: federalministryoffinance.tony@gmail.com
Direct Phone number is +234-802-957-3651, inform him that you received an email from The Federal House of Senate Federal Republic of Nigeria, instructing you to call him for immediate release of your fund.

The Paymaster General had been mandated to issue out usd 1.3 million as part payment for this fiscal year 2009. Also for your information, you have to stop any further communication with any other person(s) or office(s) to avoid any hitches in receiving your payment. For oral discussion.
Note: that because of impostors, we hereby issued your Secret payment code as stated above (Code No: XXTN013) so you have to indicate this code when contacting the paymaster general by using it as your subject.

Best Regards
Senator David Mark
Senate President

Dr. BABA BENA
Secretary of the Federation

We saw Avenue Q again today (well, again for Anya and I, first time for everyone else). Gotta say that the Aussie version wasn’t quite the same as the London version I saw a couple years ago but it’s still pretty damned good. Michaela Banas is awesome as Kate/Lucy.

Everyone knows the internet is for porn.

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Guess what? You weren’t chosen because you weren’t who we wanted.  No amount of sneaky PMs, bullying, aggro or bitching will change that and it certainly doesn’t show you in a good light for any future consideration. If anything, it just proves that we DID pick the right people to begin with. Fortunately they are taking the attitude in stride - if it was any different I would be speaking stern words to certain people and telling them to pull their heads in.  In any case, build a bridge, get over it.

Guess what?  It’s called LEARNING.  What’s the point of going to class and expecting the teachers to provide all the materials for you?  How does that show that you’re learning anything? How fucking hard is it to pull out an add with serif and san serif typeface?  How hard is it to google what “serif” and “san serif” mean.  LEARN, for fuck’s sake.  I certainly didn’t pay $15,000 to be spoonfed my diploma.  I still seriously wonder what the hell this idiot was thinking when he signed up.

Erin’s epic “Trash the Dress” from Erin Guest on Vimeo.

Holy shit.

‘Nuff said.

Thank you, SO MUCH, Richard.